Hitoyasumi - hold the moment

Tuesday, April 1, 2003

last song syndrome: memory of your shores - anggun

Am off to Manila with Mom! Leaving early tomorrow, coming back Sunday. I am leaving the Precious behind. *firmly represses inner Gollum* I probably won't be able to blog much or answer e-mail too quickly. Just thought I'd let people know.

Pere-chan landed at 11:41 p.m.

Monday, March 31, 2003

last song syndrome: everybody wants to rule the world - tears for fears

Line of the day:

"You're sexy when I'm drunk." - Just A Taste, lunasv. RPS, SB/VM, PG-13.

Look! The cover illustration for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix! Holy god. Canon Teenage Potter. FINALLY. *dies*

And in other news, here is a little article about some guy who officially changed his name to Optimus Prime.

O.O I have no idea what to think about this. My precious Prime....

Currently reading: American Gods (again), but have interrupted it because found in Mama's forever-unread collection is The Marriage of Cadmus and Harmony. Greek gods, people. How the hell could I resist?

In some used-book sale, Mom also found The Charioteer by Mary Renault. Mary Renault is like the Judith Krantz for the slash-minded. *ker-boing*

Last book read: PG Wodehouse's Meet Mr. Mulliner, which is more a collection of short love stories. Of course, this is PG Wodehouse, so if you're expecting romance, don't read this book. You'll never recover. Recommended for sarcastics with a deeply-buried subliminal belief in happy endings. The last story's the best.

And in case you're wondering why I'm babbling on about all this while there is a war going on...

I felt I'd been burying my head in the sand the past couple of weeks. I decided I needed to catch up a bit on current events. I read some well-informed blogs, and then I read this, this and this.

And I quote: "I do not need to explain why I say things. — That's the interesting thing about being the President. — Maybe somebody needs to explain to me why they say something, but I don't feel like I owe anybody an explanation."

You know who he sounds like? He sounds like ERAP. Erap with billions of dollars and command of a First World country. AND (and I would like to place special emphasis on this) its army.

I don't want to read or watch the news anymore. I don't want to live in the States anymore. I don't want to go anywhere near the place while THAT MAN is in charge. He scares me and his lackeys scare me and their "everybody can fuck off 'cause we're big and brave and we got GUNS, Goddammit" attitude scares me. I hate him and I hate his bullying and I feel sympathetic for everyone whose President he is. I hope the American people prevail over the American President. I think I'll go bury myself in slash. Or TV show summaries. Or very pretty Barbie-on-crack Japanese dolls.

Pere-chan landed at 11:05 p.m.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Today was great. Dug out my books today, and then went for a long bike this afternoon. Watched Forrest Gump. Ate the last of my chocolate heart. No, that was not a metaphor.

Also, I was leafing through Bishie Uncle 1's hoard of Homme Plus, an excellent resource for male figure drawing. That was more than enough, but then I flipped the page and...

ORLI!!!

TEN PAGES. Ten large, gorgeous pages of Orli photos, and an interview. Whoo! I love this mag's photography, and they did NOT disappoint. Orli was also wonderfully dressed down. I love magazine pics of him because he didn't pick the clothes. The other day on E!, they did TTT interviews and he was wearing this awful hat. I was grimly unsurprised when they did just that one sound bite of his, and no more. Blgh. But Homme knows what it's doing; Orli's wardrobe was super-simple. Some jeans, a few nice shirts (one really lovely linen one which they should have just GIVEN him, for the sake of charity, to replace those $^%&#@ ruffled monstrosities of his), and a good suit. A hat too: a CUTE hat, not an ugly knit bag thing that made him look like the cashier at McDonald's.

It was pretty funny, during the interview, how much was familiar because I'd read some RPS fic or other about it. ^_^ However, I was both annoyed and amused by their referral to him as the "star" of LotR.

BUT! the thing to which all other things pale: my application to the American InterContinental University was accepted. I am moving in June and enrolling in August.

...

There are no words for how happy I am. None.

Pere-chan landed at 01:32 a.m.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Today was great. Dug out my books today, and then went for a long bike this afternoon. Watched Forrest Gump. Ate the last of my chocolate heart. No, that was not a metaphor.

Also, I was leafing through Bishie Uncle 1's hoard of Homme Plus, an excellent resource for male figure drawing. That was more than enough, but then I flipped the page and...

ORLI!!!

BUT! the thing to which all other things pale: my application to the American InterContinental University was accepted. I am moving in June and enrolling in August.

...

There are no words for how happy I am. None.

Pere-chan landed at 01:32 a.m.

Monday, March 17, 2003

last song syndrome: nice to know you - incubus

Wow, long time no blog. I herefore submit the week in review.

Real Life: The recital went great! The kids were very good, considering there were over one hundred and eighty of them: from four-year-olds to high school seniors. It's times like these that I'm grateful for yayas; they made our job so much easier by keeping the kids in line. But the kids themselves were quite professional for the most part. They watched each other, followed instructions, and never complained or talked back.

My favorites:
Izza - our Ariel. She has asthma, and yet is in nearly every dance. Not to mention she's only 6th grade. She limps offstage, collapses, takes her lung spray, gets up, takes a deep breath, switches on her megawatt smile and sails back into the spotlight. She's not human, I swear.
Angela - Sebastian. Ten years old and dances with the high school kids. In addition to that pixy face, she has a wicked fey sense of humor and never seems tired even when she is. Amazingly professional for her age.
Erin - the hobbitish girl, my absolute favorite. She's an attention junkie and a bit persistent, but very sweet and affectionate and funny. Love her dearly. She hugged me goodbye--aww, kawaii.

There were a couple of panicky moments but things went smoothly overall. I got to shoot off a big can of confetti! That was fun. Took lots of pictures backstage; will scan and post them. I want to make a scrapbook for Erin.

Afterwards the head of the ballet school held a big dinner at their place. There was lechon, roast chicken, and ironically, seafood paella. (Insert cannibalism joke here.) Then Jubal and Ann Grace and I went somewhere else for dessert and coffee. Then we brought Ann Grace home. She lives way out in the province where it's all fields and trees and little houses, so we had a great time singing at the top of our lungs out the car windows into the night. Jubal was going to bring me home, but then he spotted a couple of his friends at a club, so we went dancing!

Culture Absorbed:
Movies - Watched Two Weeks' Notice, which was saved from sucking by the very funny dialogue. Watched Hero again. And today, watched Chicago and completely adored it. It was fantastic. I can't say enough good things about this movie. I haven't relished a movie so much in a long time.
Music - bought the new Incubus. I still like them, yes precious. Also got to hear the musical version of The Secret Garden. Cried.
Books - borrowed The Ship Who Sang and PartnerShip by Anne McCaffrey. I missed her brand of techie romance; it's great brain candy if you can swim through the technicals.
Fandom - Discovered The Mary Sue Report. Found an Eagle fic which was so bad, it inspired me to do my first MST. But I didn't like the experience by the time I was through. Seething in my own vitriol makes me uncomfortable. I'd rather read others' MSTs than write my own--I just get too irritated. I don't actually think Mary Sues are worth getting so worked up over, anyway. Also, went over to Jubal's house again yesterday for more viewing of The One DVD. This time I watched Disc 3. God, the art! I have no words.

Pere-chan landed at 10:11 p.m.

Saturday, March 8, 2003

last song syndrome: out of my league - stephen speaks

Bought the Stephen Speaks album. I like the music a LOT. It's great stuff, except for it being so...Christian. Argh, I had no idea they were a Christian band. I love listening to them sing; I just have to ignore the standing-in-the-river-waiting-to-be-dipped lyrics. Some of the songs are thankfully less praise-and-worship than others, even if they're about girls. If it's not one idol, it's another.

. . .

Watched Hero today. My God, that is the most beautiful film I've seen for a long time. Not just in visuals, either, though the visuals are more than enough to blow you away. The story was this gorgeous layered thing that grabs you by the ventricles, the acting was wonderful and the stunts...whoo. I don't have enough words to say how much I love this movie. Except maybe to say...I liked it more than the LotR movies. *clutches Fellowship's collective ankles, or tries to* Forgive me my sweet gods!!! *weeps*

. . .

I have a job! WHEE!!!

Well, not really, more like a project. My godbrother Jubal is the stage manager for a ballet that my old high school is putting up. I get to be one of his assistants. It's not as big a job as you'd think; since it's a ballet (and low-budget to boot), there are practically no sets and very few props.

We got to see the trial run today. I almost died of Cute. The ballet is The Little Mermaid. The girls playing Sebastian and the seahorse are ADORABLE! The seahorse has a smile so cute you grin automatically when you see it, and Sebastian has a wicked little pixy face. There's a girl we dubbed Baby Björk, and also one girl in the chorus that looks like a hobbit child--the curly hair, the round face, the pretty eyes. Her name is Erin. How fey is that?

We didn't get to do much because there weren't any props yet, so we watched their first run-through and made notes. I also got to do lots of little pen studies; doodles really. Jubal also drew a mermaid and I drew a merman to go with her. The mermaid's a hippie and the merman's a punk, hehe. He even has piercings. May draw a full picture sometime.

There were mosquitoes everywhere. We'd have been eaten alive if someone hadn't brought this really neat gadget. It looks like a toy tennis racket, but instead of a net it has that wire mesh you get in bug zappers. And that's what it is: a portable bug zapper! You press a button and wave it around, and ZAP! Dead mosquitoes.

Hum! Moving on. ^^; The show's on the 15th, but there's a gala opening on the 14th. We're meeting again tomorrow at 1.30 pm. I'm so excited! But right now I'm mainly sticky, so I shall go have a bath. Lovely lovely day.

Pere-chan landed at 02:16 a.m.

Monday, March 3, 2003

last song syndrome: bush - cold contagious

Gyaaaaaaaa!!!

Dammit dammit LiveJournal is DOWN dammit.

I have LOST that essay I did on yaoi and slash and I cannot GET at my journal to get it back and the stupid mailing list DELETED it to make way for all the damn FICS by silly teenage girls who think Dom and Lij are GAYER than Sir Ian and I cannot FIND my essay and I could just SCREAM.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

Pere-chan landed at 03:27 p.m.

Sunday, March 2, 2003

last song syndrome: pink floyd - have a cigar

Yay!!! Got my Jamais Vu OST!!! If you don't know what that is, check out the utena fanfic recced in my profile at left.

He got everything. Even the Trans-Siberian Orchestra piece. This is now my favorite track. Thanks, Franz!

Updates!!! Two new drawings in the yaoi sketches section of Hayabusa. And in the long-unvisited fanfics section...TRIPPER 5 AT LAST!!! Dedicated to Janette for encouragement and inspiration.

I actually updated! Must go have a lie down now. @_@

Pere-chan landed at 04:56 p.m.

Saturday, March 1, 2003

Oh my GOD.

I just walked into my room and my grandmother was READING MY JOURNAL.

I said "Ma? Why are you reading my journal?"

"I wasn't reading it, I was just looking at the pictures! See, your drawings here...anyway, so what? Why not?"

"Because it's my journal!"

"So?"

"So it's my JOURNAL!"

Hell. This morning she was going through my drawers. Can you credit it? And she found these printed out e-mails I hadn't bothered to throw away, where my uncle was ranting about my mom. And she said "Why don't you throw this away? Your mom will read this."

I said "No she WON'T, because she doesn't READ my STUFF. SHE knows it's my stuff and so SHE doesn't GO THROUGH IT, because she knows it's MY STUFF."

Not like she took the hint, of course. Bleargh.

Thank God all the really incriminating stuff is in here where she doesn't have a clue how to get at it. Right now I really, really, really treasure her complete computer illiteracy.

*violated*

Pere-chan landed at 04:08 a.m.

Saturday, March 1, 2003

last song syndrome: phantom planet - always on my mind

I just had a great day. Well, most of it was okay, but the last bit was great.

Whoo hoo! Interview done! Mr Riley asked me lots of questions and I answered. I like him so much because he actually said things like "Good", and "That's a great answer". He transcribed the interview as we were talking and he's putting it before the board on Tuesday. He'll tell me if my application comes through.

Yay! I feel really, really hopeful now. Miguel already got his letter of acceptance.

Went to dinner with Mom, Mom's friend, and Mom's friend's daughter afterward. The girl's name is Andie, and we hit it off right away. She likes yaoi, ha ha!!! And once again I drew an unwary soul into the roiling cesspool of sin that is Lotrips. Am sending her links, fics and pictures as I post this. Whee!!! The Bride of Wormwood strikes again!

Now I'm trying to draw a stylized scene a la James Christensen, of an Elven boat going off to the Grey Havens. On board--inaccurately though--are Celeborn and Galadriel, Legolas, Gimli, Frodo, Bilbo, Gandalf and a couple of random Elves. The forms are relatively easy to draw, although I'm still working out the positions of the characters, but the Fabergé-egg-like boat based on Christensen's style is driving me CRAZY.

Hum! Will work on it tomorrow.

Sleepy now. Jolly well done, me. *zzzzzzzzzzz*

Pere-chan landed at 12:50 a.m.

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Had a lovely day! Went to Mom's friend's farmhouse. Did I say farmhouse? Ha!

The place is AMAZING. It's like a tropical Rivendell. There's a little elevated bahay kubo, a big gazebo, a teahouse way out in one corner and a main house. Connecting them is a network of manmade streams and ponds, and stone paths. The main house is gorgeous all by itself. It's a big place that's all white stone arches and glass doors. Inside it's all big white spaces, warm-colored paintings and coushions and hangings, and interesting arty things.

I've been pretty sedentary the past few days, but I was out there all day running around the garden, checking out the labyrinth--

(She planted a labyrinth. It's not like the ones in stories or European castles though, just a low hedge. It's based on the one in Grace Cathedral in San Francisco, more a meditation exercise than something you'd actually get lost in. There's a rock in the middle where you can sit, and look up to a clear space framed by leaves and branches. Very restful.)

--and taking lots and lots of pictures. It's kind of sad because an earthquake caused seepage in the water system some years ago, so all the ponds and streams are just a dry bed of rocks. And the grass is dry in patches because of the impending summer.

I want to go back there with a sketchbook and try to draw it the way it ought to be. But mostly I want to run around some more and climb the rocks. I don't know what it is about that place that makes me feel like the outdoorsy farm kid I never was. ^_^

Pere-chan landed at 02:43 a.m.

Monday, February 24, 2003

I just looked at one of my ongoing chapters and realized I had no recollection of writing the last lines. I didn't remember writing them at all. Weird. I need to stop writing just before I go to sleep.

. . .

I don't think The Precious likes my Mom. It refused to save on her diskette, it stalled her documents, and then it hung on her. I had to restart it.

I believe that computers and their attached machinery are sentient at some level and can sense what a person feels, at least in regards to the computer itself. This is why I can follow instructions to the letter and still have a printer refuse to print my documents without jamming or eating the paper or hanging the PC to which it's attached. It's because I'm always nervous around printers and I really don't like them very much.

Mom does not like The Precious. She swears at it, she makes irritated noises, she complains about how the keys and the windows and the commands are so much more inconvenient than a PC--and she clicks too hard. So it took offense.

Yes, I actually believe computers--especially Macs--take offense. And I lay my hands on it for a while afterward to calm it down. You can take me off to the funny farm now. But I refuse to retract my statement.

Pere-chan landed at 09:29 p.m.

Saturday, February 22, 2003

last song syndrome: in the navy - the village people

Don't look at me like that! Remember what I said about Bacolod men and the Village People? Tito Panyo (Dudleykin's dad) is one of them. And so Dudder's birthday soundtrack is...

. . .

Aaaaaaaaaaand they're off again. Mama wants to have a "talk", that's always a bad sign. It means she wants to have a listing-your-wrongs session. Mom is defensive. So here I am, hiding out in my room while they have it out downstairs.

The worst is that it never goes anywhere. At least Mom will admit where she's done wrong. But in my grandmother's very special view of the world, everyone has done her wrong, and she's very sad about it. They persist in being awful when she tries so hard to be understanding. She's a wise, kind mother who only wants the best for her children, who have never grown up.

Argh. No wonder I want to run away.

. . .

God. Living in this house is like being in a telenovela. Mama and Mom fight (and fight LOUD), we go have lunch in Tita Babs' house across the garden (we live in the same compound--you see what I mean about drowning in my family?). Mom doesn't go across, Mama and Tita Babs and Tito Panyo have a diss-fest. Your mother this, your mother that. We go back, I drop in on Mom for a hug and an "it's okay", Mama comes in, they both start to cry, they have a hug too. The trouble with my grandmother though is that she doesn't know how to just hug. No, she has to talk. I saw Mom's face darkening, so I change the subject. Save by Pere! *cheer* We all go off separately: Mom to nap, Mama to watch TV and me to the other house to draw Legolas and the flowers in Tita Babs' garden. No, not together.

I am very tired. Dudder's little friends have arrived and are messing about in the pool, so I can't swim. Sigh. Will read Terry Pratchett and snack on pumpkin seeds.

Pere-chan landed at 05:01 p.m.

Monday, February 17, 2003

Everything's DONE!!! Sent off to London! Documents, reference letters, everything. Wa-hoo!!!

Had a lovely busy day. Here's what I got done:

~~transcript and reference letter 2 picked up~~
~~all documents sent~~
~~best friends' presents sent~~
~~paid for sketchbooks~~
~~scanned presents for Zan and Janette~~

Even got to run a few errands for other people. Felt very useful. Also tried out a bunch of new ab exercises and walked around for a half hour. As a result blood pressure is down to 140/60! Yay! I may even be asleep before 1 am. *shokku!* So all in all, great day.

And then my mom had to ruin it. My mother believes in democracy. When she's having a bad day, she likes to spread it around. With a giant wide spatula.

No, it wasn't her fault. It was horrible. Apparently the people she was sharing the computer with are of the opinion that since it's their computer, they reserve the right to waive any agreements that might have been made beforehand in the spirit of trust and goodwill. And my grandmother had to compound things by backing THEM up, all the while thinking she was being sensible and smoothing things over. WTFUCK.

So. Mom unable to finish her work that morning. Utterly frustrated. And guess who the closest target for bottled-up venom is. ALL FUCKING DAY. Bloody hell.

Oh! Oh! And "You chose me for a reason"? Also known as "I don't have to stop being a bitch because YOU picked this life, so YOU picked me being a bitch so I can bitch you out all I want and you should just take it in the fucking TEETH 'cause that's what you fucking WANTED, right?"

Fuck you, Mom. Fuck mother-daughter relationships. I just want to go to London so I can be AWAY from the BOTH of you.

Pere-chan landed at 07:56 p.m.

Friday, February 14, 2003

last song syndrome: the king of the golden hall - ttt ost

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody!

Had fun staying up last night to make watercolor cards. Definitely put my brushes to good use there! I LOVE cold press paper. And white ice cube trays.

Am, however, in a bit of a bad mood.

My blood pressure is apparently 160 over 80. So now I am on a diet. I am 99 pounds and on a diet. On Valentine's Day. On chocolate day.

Oatmeal is NOT, I believe, a desirable substitute.

Bloody fucking goddamned pissing shit-kicking goat-kissing Satan-felching HELL.

Pere-chan landed at 01:13 p.m.

Thursday, February 13, 2003

last song syndrome: lonely day - phantom planet

even though the sun is shining down on me
and i should feel about as happy as can be
i just got here and i already want to leave
it's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day

Geek bands are depressing. I should have gotten Incubus. XD

Man. Last night was the coolest Batman Beyond ep ever. Er, moving on...

I really liked spending time in Cebu with Pat. (I still can't believe we fit comfortably in a twin - she's just that skinny.)

That girl was the closest thing I had to a sister growing up. We gave each other advice, we told each other secrets, we even had this constant space adventurers game going on called The Protectors (unoriginal, but we were very young). She was Ultra, the leader, and I was Foxie, computer expert and general second-in-command. Our younger boy cousins were employed as co-pilots and lieutenants. XD

And we fought. Oh, did we ever. At one point she came to live with us, and we fought tooth and nail; not physically, because we'd have got a royal beating from my grandmother if we raised a hand to each other (ironic, really), but with the most vicious words we could think of. We fought over clothes, over games, over everything. We couldn't even sleep in the same room because we'd fight all night.

When we got older we stopped fighting, but it must have been really good for us because I never remember lying to her. She was the first person to whom I told the worst things. She was the one who first knew about the thing that happened when I was nine, about my preference for imaginary boys over real ones, about...everything in high school, really.

We dropped out of touch for seven whole years when she moved to Cebu. But when I went to visit it was as if we'd been in touch all that time. She slept over in the hotel and it was secrets time again. Not just stupid little cute secrets--all the worst secrets, the darkest, ugliest ones, the ones only best friends know. And I guess in a way, we are sisters really. I feel very happy about it.

. . .

Oh yeah, loot count!

Got the new Francesca Lia Block book, I Was A Teenage Fairy. I didn't like Griffin's ending; it seemed kind of bottled. And Griffin's my favorite character too. But the whole book was really lovely. I'm trying to decide whether it's my new favorite. I'll wait through a couple more readings and see.

New Block vocab:
biscuit - hot guy
eclair - bishounen
biscuit bake session - guess. nyeheheheheheheh.

Also, Helen Fielding's first book, Cause Celeb. Not as hilarious as Bridget, but much more real and driven. I love it very very very much. All the more because it's one of the rare non-fantasy books that I loved reading.

Two more paintbrushes and a bottle of brown Rotring ink. And a lot of paper! 60 sheets of eggshell and 100 of long copy paper, which is one of my favorites for coloring with Copic. When I got back, dropped it off with the bookbinders to make into sketchpads. They'll be ready by next Wednesday. *chews nails with excitement* wanna draaaaaaaaaaaw...!!!

Edit: I checked last entry and it reads Feb 6, last Thursday. It was actually Tuesday, Feb 11, but I can't get Pitas to change it. That computer in the internet cafe was the wrong time...argh.

Pere-chan landed at 10:44 a.m.

Thursday, February 6, 2003

Cebu!

Unfortunately, no time to go to the beach. It's February, and the ocean is this amazing deep teal-aqua color...the color of tropical paradise. And I can't go swimming. Sigh.

But...bookstores!!! Okay, just National Bookstore, but I'm very happy about it. Bought a bottle of Higgins, a paintbrush, a pot of silver paint, and the latest issue of W.I.T.C.H. Okay, it's juvenile, but I like the art very much. I like Cedric and Phobos, which only says that I'll date anybody as long as he has long blond hair. Geh.

Also went to Odyssey and bought 3 cds! Lilo and Stitch OST, because I really liked the Hawaiian music and I kind of like Elvis. Also, they have a bonus VCD with featurettes and stuff! ^_^ I can just leave out the A*teens when I rip it.

Then the TTT soundtrack, then Phantom Planet's The Guest. Yay!

Had dinner at a nice Chinese place with all the Cebu family. This is Mama's family, which is the typical Chinoy family. Much chattering in Fukien over the heads of the children (i.e. me and cousins). My cousin Pat was saying we should learn Mandarin so we could talk and they couldn't listen either. XD

I missed Pat!!!!!!!!!! She was the closest I ever had to a sister. In other words, she lived with me and we fought a lot, but I luuuuuuuuuurrrv her.

She looks exactly the same. Small, pretty, and thin as a CLAMP boy on heroin. Dammit. Offered her my spare tyre but we don't know how we're going to pass it over. ^^; I weird. Anyway, we're going out to dinner again tomorrow, and then we shall watch the Favorite Movie again (she hasn't seen it yet--how convenient).

My cousin Ryan has the pirated VCD already, and he says the quality's as good as original. I hate this. No wonder you can't get the Extended DVD in the Philippines. No wonder Amazon won't accept orders from here. You can't send a good movie here before someone abducts it, rapes it, and whores it to every cheap fuck with two dollars who won't even use those same two dollars to go to the movie itself. Yes, movies are only TWO FREAKING DOLLARS here. And so many people worked so HARD on the thing; don't you think they deserve a little something back? Okay, so they get paid, but if we loved the film so much we should give a little something back, because that's just the way the universe works. Admittedly this is true of every film, but I used it for LotR in particular because I love LotR and everybody that worked on it, and they all put so much effort and so much love in the film that it bleeds out from every scene, and I soaked it up so completely that this blatant disrespect just annoys the hell out of me.

Passing anime around between friends because you want to share it and you can't get it anywhere else, that's understandable. It's not the best one can do, but at least the stuff gets shared, and you buy it original when you can. But this is just...unfair.

Uh...where was I? Anyway, great dinner, and I had fun, and I'm going to the mall again today and then meeting Pat when she gets out from work. And then we will have dinner, and then the Movie! ^_^

It's very sunny here. I wish I could swim. But I'll just enjoy the sun. Ha ha, sun! *waits for all snowbound friends abroad to kill me*

Pere-chan landed at 11:04 p.m.

Saturday, February 8, 2003

I am very, very frustrated with my mother.

For Pete's sake! Why does she have to belabour the point. It's not like Mama will ever listen to anything that doesn't fit in with her specially polarized view of the world. (Mama's my grandmother, btw, not my mother.) For God's sake, Bishie Uncle #1 and I had such a huge fight with her because she insisted that black people had black bones!!! Do you think she'll listen to a little quibbling point if she believes something that stupid?

But nooooo, we CAN'T back down. Because we're right. Even if it serves absolutely no purpose. We just HAVE to start a fight, over LUNCH, when OTHER PEOPLE, i.e. tired father who just got back from golf tournament and daughter who just wants to enjoy family time together, are TRYING to eat their food.

You don't have to say you're wrong. It's not like anyone ELSE believes her. And if they do you can just set them right. But to keep arguing when the person you're trying to convince isn't even listening...that's just complete bloody-mindedness.

Mom doesn't even use a reasonable tone. No, she just has to be all defensive and sarcastic. Yeah, that really drove home your point there.

Having them one at a time merely drives me crazy. Both of them together are sending me Bat Shit In Sane.

Pere-chan landed at 10:02 p.m.

Thursday, February 6, 2003

Sleep dep is a bitch. I feel like my brain's padded with cotton. My eyes feel tight and dry. I feel unnaturally hot, and then unnaturally cold. And the whole day I feel very slow. And things take a while to penetrate. And I'm snappish and oversensitive. And it sucks.

But I've fallen into the pattern already. Stay up all night, sleep till 9, then a couple more hours in the afternoon. It doesn't even matter if I've had a nap anymore; I still stay up until 4 or 5.

Suspect am fucking self again (not literally of course). I do not leave the room except to eat, or answer the phone outside and deliver messages therein, or when unusual activity outside makes me curious.

Progress report on London:
~~HS diploma~~
~~application essay~~
HS transcript
~~reference letter 1~~
reference letter 2

In the meantime my cousin has sent his already. And it is already February.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I am procrastinating. What the fuck am I afraid of?

Things will not magically change when I am in London. I will not become instantly independent, self-assured and responsible the moment my feet touch British soil. For fuck's sake, I haven't even decided what to bring yet.

Dammit, why do I think it's so hard just to get up off my ass and start WORKING for my life? Inertia is for objects, not for people. I mean, it's not even as if I want to stay, so why aren't I working harder to go? This whole fucking thing is practically being spoonfed to me.

I am a fucking brat, is what it is. A fucking spoiled brat who is very close to wanking her life away. This is the last fucking chance, for God's sake. Instead of staying up all night reading RP fic, I ought to go out and actually BE an RP for a while. I mean, my favorite writers all have a life. This could be what makes them such good writers. In the meantime I am rapidly growing toward being the bitter old I-Coulda-Been lady.

Fuck, I'm scared. I am fucking scared.

Pere-chan landed at 11:22 p.m.

Thursday, February 6, 2003

last song syndrome: i.d. - maaya sakamoto

My mommy home! Fun fun fun. Luv luv luv. Shall go off and watch the Two Towers together tomorrow, or possibly on Friday. Mother is my absolute favorite movie companion. Have missed her very very very much.

Had a wonderful dinner. Lamb chops, all red inside. We all ate together, Mama and Lolo and Bishie Uncle #1 and Mom and me. Laughed a lot. I love my family. Most of the time. ^^

. . .

Interesting links:

Whooheehah! Lotrips fanart!!!

On second thought...I don't know if I'm all that ready for visuals. I'm still getting used to the fanfic. Visuals are a bit too...harsh...for a newbie. >_<

This one's cute though. Anime!Boromir that actually looks like Movie!Boromir...all is good.

Gah! Hollywood casting for LotR. Rather good photomanips, actually. Faux!Leggy and Not!Aragorn made me laugh. PseudoArwen is very scary.

And as if Japanese and Spanish weren't enough, I've downloaded an online course in Quenya. I'd prefer one in Sindarin, but the course is really complete, and it wouldn't hurt to just keep it on file. I know I don't really NEED Elvish, like I do other languages, but I find it very pretty and I've always wanted to learn it. Maybe write in my journal (my actual book journal, not my web journal) in Elvish, because it's a perfect calligraphic exercise.

Quizbuzzing on livejournal

. . .

In other news:

I have cultivated a relationship with my iBook for a year and a month. This relationship has passed through wary to nervous, comfortable, and now, dependent. So, to celebrate this new trust, I dub thee my Precious. Please don't break my heart.

Pere-chan landed at 03:18 a.m.

Wednesday, February 5, 2003

last song syndrome: globe featuring keiko - on the way to you

Neil Gaiman writes Gollum/Smeagol slash.

I have no words. >_<

And speaking of the sudden LotR slash bug--two things:

1) Behold my 3 am mini-dissertation of yaoi and slash and how the two relate. Or don't. Whatever.

2) P|-|34r me, puny mortals!!! I am the Bride of Wormwood. Today I put on my tempter's mask and lured my godbrother into the unholy world of Lotrips. He is Ours now. As I speak he is slack-jawed before the glowing screen, reading Karl/Dom fic after hot, smutty Karl/Dom fic. Ohohohohohohoho. My work here is done.

Pere-chan landed at 01:31 a.m.

Monday, February 3, 2003

Sometimes, when I remember, I like to go outside and spread a blanket out in the garden and lie down, and let the stars cover me like an awning, or a child's blanket-tent. It's nice, every once in a while, to turn off the computer and the TV and the lights, to close the sketchbook I'm working in or the book I'm reading, and step out of my bedroom and out of the house, and especially out of the noise in my head. It's nice to be able to look up at the stars, and feel grateful. It's nice to remember how lucky I am to live in a house. Lucky to have a garden to lie in, or even a window to look out of. Lucky to see the stars. And very lucky to be able to get up and go back into the warm, and write about it on my computer, and put it up where people can read it and maybe say something back for me to read, even if what I said wasn't very important. I never want to forget how lucky I am.

And now I shall go read e-mail from my best friend! ^^* Lucky, lucky, lucky...

Pere-chan landed at 09:18 a.m.

Sunday, February 2, 2003

The "Columbia" space shuttle exploded on reentry into Earth atmosphere. No survivors. There wasn't even that much debris left. It's gone, they're gone, the shuttle was torn apart in flaming bits and our dreams of space with it.

When the Challenger went I remember seeing it in magazines as a kid, and crying. I wanted to be an astronaut; who didn't? And now it's happened again. I'm starting to think man's never going to get into space. I don't think anybody will want to believe in the space program anymore. I want to, but I don't count. And I think the US is too focused on war to think about space. I hope they go on. I really, really hope they pick up and forge on, like they did with 9/11.

But what do I know? I'm not even American.

And my stupid grandmother wants to watch Curse of the Talisman instead of CNN. What. The. Fuck.

Pere-chan landed at 02:31 a.m.

Saturday, February 1, 2003

last song syndrome: 4th av cafe - l'arc en ciel

Bishie Uncle 1 had plastic surgery done, to remove his eyebags. He has these cool thin scars just under his eyes that make him look Gothy. He has the skinny build to go with it too.

It's fun having him here. Tita Angie called, so I got to talk to her and my cousin and Bishie Uncle 2. And since the phone's in my room, everybody came and hung out. I love hearing my bishie uncles talk. #1's helping Mama redecorate, and their tastes clash like anything. "She wanted to put down orange carpet; I'm telling you, I wanted to die." XDDD

He's so sarcastic. Cousin Duddykins saw his picture and asked him "Is this you?" and he said "No, that's my little star twin."

. . .

Two Towers again last night! By God, every time I watch that movie I love it more. Legolas is officially my favorite now. I like him more when he's angry or unhappy than when he's being all pretty Elf Boy. And at one point I saw Orlando Bloom's stubble showing through Legolas's skin. Mnyahahahaha.

Theoden: "Leave the dead." Legolas: "........!!"

Legolas *bitching in Elvish* "We're all gonna die!" XD

. . .

I succumbed. I now have a livejournal for to stick all my quizzbuzzings, pics, ficlets and random shiznits in. ^^ Ah well, it was bound to happen.

Pere-chan landed at 09:38 p.m.